FROM "101 TIPS FOR A HAPPIER MARRIAGE"
FROM PART V. ACTION ITEMS: things you can do that make a difference.
37. Always speak well of your spouse, in private or in public. Badmouthing your spouse to others makes you look either disloyal or foolish or both. Say nothing, if you truly can’t think of anything positive to say.
38. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, even in your mind. If you find yourself mentally rehearsing your grudges, change the subject. Harboring negative thoughts will make you sour.
39. Remove all forms of sarcasm from your vocabulary. The word sarcasm comes from a Greek word meaning, "to tear flesh like dogs." There is never a good time or good reason to tear your spouse’s flesh.
FROM PART VI. SHARING CHORES: End the haggling over household chores.
44. Give extra credit to your spouse whenever you can. Your spouse may be hyper-sensitive to blood, gore, and sickness. If he or she stays up with a sick child, give him or her extra credit for overcoming their natural disinclination to do so.
45. Accept the fact that each of you is good at a different set of things, and cares about a different set of things.
46. Use the Generosity Gauge, rather than the Fairness Filter. When your spouse asks you to do something, don’t ask whether you owe it to her or him, or whether he or she deserves it, or what he did for you lately. Ask instead, "can I do this for him or her?"
FROM PART VII. WINNING IS FOR LOSERS: HOW TO HAVE FEWER FIGHTS
47. Realize that some quarrels are not over the issue at hand. Quarrels over what to have for dinner, or how to line up the socks in the drawer, are not about food or socks. These arguments are about winning.
48. Learn to give way on trivial issues. Needing to win an unimportant argument is not a sign of strength. It is a sign of weakness.
